So y'all know Green Bean bit the bullet and now I am car-less until State Farm gets it together and send me a check to help put a down payment on a "slightly used car". ( For all y'all new followers. Green Bean is was my ghetto car that finally bit the bullet when I got in a wreck with a Jeep at the beginning of this month.) I have been stuck on DART for the past week. (Dallas public transportation system) This is my open ended letter to DART, it's employees and the riders. I wrote this while I was on your entity every week and that is why it sounds like it is happening as you read it.
Dear Creepy Old guy, Not only did you try and sell me Stream Energy but you tried to get in my pants. Yes, my glasses are very thick. Yes, there was a reason I was "hard to read". Clearly my earphones where in my ears for a reason. GAH! That noise you heard screaming was not the train. It was my brain screaming for you to STHAP. Yes, it got louder when you pulled out a pen and business card. I didn't mean to lie and tell you I was underage but I had to do something drastic to keep you from trying to get in my coochie. I think calling you sir a million times was a nice touch. You don't know this but it's times this that I'm thankful I don't look like a 25 year old and more like a 16 year old. But the whole time I was trying to decide if the other creeper who kept undressing me with his eyes would have been better than you. At least he seemed to be closer to my age and probably would have never actually come up to me.
Dear Girl With the MK Bag, Who you think you turning your nose up at. Last time I checked you was on DART just like the rest of us so STAHP. You ain't no better so quit giving everyone stank eye and take yo but to class.(Certain buses are free for the college kids because they end at the local community colleges/universities) You don't even know who you staring at. I just wanna pay my dues and do my time to the city of Dallas until State Farm gets it in gear. Don't make me have to get country on yo butt if I see you holding up the 583 bus again.
Dear Ol' Granny, The mase was a little much but I appreciate you letting the passengers know not to mess with you.
Dear Other Creeper Who Was On The Bus With Me. STAPHP it. I've already been undressed and hit on I'm so annoyed and over it. I might sneeze on you and give you this nasty virus one of the kids gave from work gave me. Stare at me ONE MORE TIME. Just try me.
Dear Ok People You Know Who You Are, You are the same ones that carry the whole Dadgum kitchen and sink to class. Then you proceed to raise your hand in class when we all just wanted you to shut up. Well, not only do we want you to shut up on the bus but we also want you to stop bringing everything as well. The bus ain't big enough for all that and with DART ain't nobody got time for all that.
Dear African Boy Darker Than An East Texas Night; Way to werk it at SMU. Bring the Soccer team some wins please and thank you.
Dear Suit Guy. I wanna know story. You are on the bus EVERYDAYl looking sharp and using manners. I really should have been a sociologist could people and cultures excite me. Ha, but then I would have been even more educated and underemployed..Two degrees is enough.
Dear Young Boy, What's with the FSU and NC nonsense. Pick a school and root for them. This is not Burger King and you cannot have it your way.
Boy Next to Me; I didn't mean to be rude but you looked like you came right out the Louisiana Bayou and I was scared you were gonna sit next to me.
Dear Saggers, If you pull your britches up maybe you could run to catch the bus better and wouldn't have missed it. All the gay men in prison are waiting for you. Don't drop the soap Hun.
Dear Guy Yellin', "meet me at the beer store" Maybe you have better things to worry about then beer if you have to ride DART. I'm sure that money could be better spent. Just Sayin'
Dear Baby Momma Fighting With Her Baby Daddy; I could have brought you some Girl Scout cookies. My Momma is in charge of the GS for our town. WHY Y NO say something/ I got you next time. But maybe I should buy you a tooth brush instead cause you are without a few teeth.
Dear Shanita, Thanks for getting married at 17. Having two kids and therefore ending up being poor and car-less at 20. You made DART bearable and I like working with you in the after school program. To bad you had a melt down the other day, cursed in front of the kids and then just walked out of work. Sad but I don't know if you know that you won't be back and I shall probably never see you again.
Dear Self; Get in State Farms Booty again. Oh and good job not taking a better picture of the cake ball you made Wednesday.
Dear Y'all: I love thee