Friday's Letter: The "Ain't Nobody Got Time For That" Edition

This post is in honor of Sherry for being such a real fran. Thanks gurl!
I'm am gonna try and write this a tad different today.

Dear Girl driving the car that I got into an accident with: You ain't hurt and ain't nobody got time for yo but to be suing them. Did you tell your claims officer and the lawyer that you were whippin' yo neck back and forth catchin' a case so hard, and you had your phone out? That don't scream hurt. That screams" Obama ain't do what he promised and give me enough money so I'll take it from Aleshea. Girl, I drive a 2002 KIA and have State Farm. Good luck gettin' a dime out them hoes.But thanks for hitting my tire as well when we crashed. Now I will Green Bean will finally get the realignment/ cosmetic fixes she needs and this girl won't have to pay for it.  Dear Popo: STHAP it: There is no need to keep pullin' me over. I know Green Bean is ghetto and don't need to be reminded with warnings. Dear State Farm: Your commercials are a daggone lie. You know the ones that say, "Like a good neighbor State Farm is here." Y'all are worse then a Texas Summer and still haven't done all I needed. The fact that I had to talk to so many people who barely spoke English and none could help me was not ok. Unless y'all are gonna drive me to work and hang out with my frans, I suggest you get on it. Dear  Hertz: I know I live outside the city but come one. Y'all are the only car rental places that works with my insurance. How do y'all, a car rental place run out of cars. If you can't be trusted to provide the service you advertise then, "run a lap and have several seats" Dear Green Bean: Why do you keep doing this to me? This ish ain't funny and I need you to get it together. I think it's cause you know Momma can't afford to replace you. Well,. this Momma is tired of your ish and you about to get yo walkin' papers( like I did that Subway pitcher of Sweet tea in my fridge a few weeks back). I hear the junkyard is hot, musty and has no gasoline or sweet tea. Ha, how you like that? Dear Ride or Die: I love that you already knew about the accident before I texted you because you read my blog. Thanks you's for taking me to work this morning, promising to pick me up at lunch and taking me to my other job. This is why you be "Ride or Die." I also tank you's for the epic convo on the way to work today.  

Dear Momma: You know yo but is triflin' for making me come to Zumba with you since I couldn't get a rental car yesterday after Green Bean went to the Collision Center. Dear Seester: Thanks for the cash so I could ride public transportation today. I ended up not needing it but your intentions were the best.
Dear Ms. Christie: Thanks for being the best boss ever when I texted and said I wasn't coming to work at the after school program because Green Bean started actin' a fool. Also, thanks for checking on me when you didn't hear back. I really will miss you when this Swanky Law Firm gets it together and hires me full time. Dear Shower: Thank you so much "Whore Baths" ain't cute and that one on Wednesday was no exception.Dear Y'all: Thanks for sticking around and reading. We're almost to my goal I set when I started of 50 readers. Glad y'all are so entertained and keep coming back.
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3 comments

  1. Hahah you crack me up! Hopefully your car troubles will be over soon ain't nobody got time for that.

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  2. I hope your weekend gets better girl!

    Ain't nobody got time for a bad weekend :)

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  3. I think Ive read almost your entire blog but I will comment here. You are hilarious. I love to come here and do whenever I get a chance. I have a marshmallow that may be akin to your green bean.

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